who will stop the rain?

Last night Erika brought food over to a family.  Erika had worked with a woman,the woman was her classroom aide.  Last week we had received the news that the woman had died.  She was kind of sickly,but not anything that had made it's way through our community.  So sad.  She had a daughter that was Miles' age; a girl who had filled me with great joy when I watched her perform in plays with Miles.
Years of course pass and the daughter became more interested in skipping school and hanging with her boyfriend…not so uncommon,but a representation of kids growing and changing.  Miles has changed in many ways…he came out two years ago, he has become fashion oriented, but he remains his same beautiful self.  Here is where we are lucky.
Erika came down from the food bringing and was a little fragile.  We went to a good meal,at our local family owned italian place and we sat quietly with out cheese and bread.  Silence sometimes is enough.
We are lucky there too.

Today I have a very sore leg,and am certainly in touch with my fragile health.  Time is short and could end with a breath like it did for Erika's classroom aide….Sometimes I feel like it is raining in my head,and I wonder who will stop it.

The way I can stop it is by understanding how lucky I am….revisit that everyday.  Take the sore leg for what it is and move ,slowly,forward.

another shot.

fairly decent blog comes from a beer called fairly decent double ipa.  It just popped into my head as a way of writing daily and counteracting constant thoughts of self-destruction that go through my head.
I have to remember that I,indeed,have a fairly decent life.  Sometimes people see our Facebook pics and think"Wow,I want you to adopt me!!!".  Thats cool,but it is the pics we want you to see,obviously.
    That is not to say we have some sort of tragic existence.  We don't.  Like I say,a fairly decent life.  House,great kid,long standing marriage.Jobs,a little money.
I am trying to get into the consistant writing thing.  I took a shot at a blog maybe 5 years ago,and when I read it over,I laugh.  I am funny!!!!!  Then depression started to seep in.  I had a friend who suffered from depression.  All his friends rallied around him…invited him to dinner,hired him for jobs,basically just were there for him.  When the depression hit me,he sent a thing to our friends saying I was going crazy.
      When Robin Williams killed himself,so many people wrote stuff,generally,about reaching out.  I either have been rather oblique about my reaching,or people want other people to reach out.
       But here I am….writing this to clear my own air.

      Write now my comic experience is trying to completely house train our dog.  It is going pretty well,and it allows me to take some pretty good walks.  He is a very sweet guy,a pug.  Sweet,sleepy,loves to walk.  Usually as we are going a long someone asks,"Who's walking who?".  He is definitely a puller.  One friend said if there was a pug iditarod,he would be there.
        He also gets so excited.  Our old dog was crazy,mean and territorial.  However,one fun thing he would do is lose his mind when you said the word "Walk".  So we had to spell it,or call it an excursion.  Our new dog gets excited too,but he is so small and docile that it is endearing.

I am now remembering a game I would play with our former dog Tiki.  He went nuts when you said "Dog Walk".  Sometimes I would randomly throw it in the conversation.  "Yeah,I feel pretty dog walk good about the dinner we had.  The salad dog awl was especially good".  (of course I had to make sure I was willing to walk him.
    The other variation was to create things that sounded like Dog Walk.  "Hey,did you know that in London they wear protective garments to keep them from being damaged by the weather?  Yep.they're called "Fog Smocks"!!!!!
for weeks I made up new ones.
Lectures for amphibians(frog talks)
time pieces for swamps (bog clocks)
how to make your computer not be exposed to this ridiculousness(blog block).

So, this blog is my shot at getting back into my world a little bit more.


probably a little weird and unfocused..but oh well.